Oh, I dread the nights

Sitting here in bed next to a man I don't even want to be living with. Why did I let it get here? I knew I should have made my self more clear, but I feel sorry because he's a good person. He hasn't done anything to me. I thought you fell in love and stayed there, I never even imagined the thought of just falling out of it. But he doesn't want to leave, says he'll do anything to make it work and is now down right kissing my ass....why? All it does is make it worse. I want to be alone. Just alone. I don't want anyone else. I don't want to be in a "better" relationship, just by myself with my son. Growing up I never wanted to get married. I wanted college, child, career. Thats it, never even took into consideration a man for that whole scenario. Maybe its because I chased. He wouldn't even look my way at first and in that instant I wanted him. But now I got him and its, its just...irritating. I'm irritated all the time! God, I hate that feeling! Like I have pms 24/7. A friend of mine gave me a valium to try and let me tell you...the only good day I had in a long time. Only problem is when I got home from work I still didn't want to see him. But I don't think I should be on medication just so I can live with a person. Should I?